“I am Apo Laki. I weep to see the completion of what I expected for many years, namely that you would welcome some foreigners with white teeth and hooded heads, who would implant amidst your houses crossed poles (Crosses) to torment me all the more. I am leaving you to seek people who will follow me, for you have abandoned me, your ancient lord, for foreigners”
This is a message from Apolaki to the people of Pangasinan. It was originally written in Spanish from the notes of Diego Duarte, a Spanish missionary who talks of the lament of Apolaki. This was then re-written by Isabelo de los Reyes from the Spanish report, “The entry of the religious into Pangasinan” dated at Magaldan, Pangasinan November 8, 1618
Well, now that we’ve seen Apolaki’s lament, I’m happy and honored to be one of the people he’s been seeking (lol) to follow him and also share his story. In this post I’ll talk about his mythology and share some channeled messages he sent me while working on his art portrait.
(Source: “Ang Diablo sa Filipinas anon sa nasasabi sa mga casulatan luma ng Kastila” by Isabelo Reyes)
(Source: https://www.aswangproject.com/apolakis-lament-gods/)
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Who is Apolaki?
Apolaki is the sun and war god who was acknowledged by the people of Pangasinan, Kapampanga, Zambales, and other parts of the Luzon regions. He is also known by the Tagalogs.
One of his most famous stories is the war between him and his sister, Mayari the moon goddess. The myth goes that their father Bathala (creator deity) passed away, and there was an opening for who should rule over the land. Apolaki believed he was the rightful and only heir because he was a man, but Mayari disagreed. Their quarrel got worse until words could not express their anger and they both decided to wage a war and fought against each other to using wooden bamboo clubs.
When Apolaki struck and Mayari’s eye, it became damaged and she became blind in one eye. This consequence made Apolaki stop and take pity on his sister, and decided to share the rulership of the land equally. Mayari agreed. So now Apolaki, god of the sun, rules the daytime because he has two bright eyes, creating light on the land. Mayari, goddess of the moon, rules the nighttime, and since she only has one eye, it creates a cooler gentler light.
(Source: “Philippine Myths, Legends, and Folktales” by Maximo D. Ramos)
Channeled Messages
I'll be honest, I didn't like Apolaki at first lol. Mayari is my ride or die, so I didn't care for him for a long time after learning what he did to her in their myth. I never understood how Mayari was able to forgive him....until I decided to open up to the gods.
Just like me and many people, I only saw Apolaki as a war god who is hurt his sister, but after opening up to him I would like to share another side of him.
When I was channeling his energy, Apolaki was unbelievably warm and compassionate. I was surprised to feel his sincerity and softness, and most of all his willingness to accept his wrongdoings and to do everything he can to make things right. Yes, he is a powerful war deity, but it doesn't give him permission to hurt others just because they are "weaker" than him. In fact, he feels that HE was the weaker one, because he failed to prevent an unnecessary war and ended up hurting someone he cared about.
Although he has many scars to remind him of his violent past, he wants to change his warrior ways for the better by providing protection and healing for those who are open to it. He understands his power as the Sun, and to be careful to not burn others and instead provide light and warmth.
He would like to provide space for those who have felt they were harmed by men who were supposed to be there for them and protect them. He is aware that "forgiveness" is something that is earned, and that it will take a long time to heal and process from. He is also aware that some things are just not forgivable, and that you are justified in your anger and grief. Forgiveness does not mean you need to reconnect. He only hopes that he can give you the opportunity to explore YOUR way to heal, so that you can start the journey of moving forward. You deserve so much more than what those who failed you gave you.
He also wants to set the example for those who were in the wrong, but are now in the process of trying to make things right. He says it's not too late to forgive yourself and therefore do everything you can to change your life. Apologizing to others is the easy part, but earning the forgiveness from those you've hurt will not be an easy journey. Unfortunately, even if you decide to turn your life around, the people around you may not be trustful of that, so it can feel like a lonely journey of healing. However, he doesn’t want you to give up or be discouraged. He is here to be with you every step of the way, whether you are forgiven or not.
For me personally, as someone who has experienced violence from men I thought I could trust, it was healing for me personally to use Apolaki as a "substitute" to heal. To “hear and feel” his apology gave me some of the closure I needed to move forward, especially because I know that the humans that have failed me in my life will never offer that to me. This is obviously not going to be a “one and done” situation, and I don’t claim to be fully healed yet, but it was comforting to have a start. I think feeling his sincerity was what helped me the most, and his willingness to be patient with me when all I had was anger.
If any of the messages resonated with you and you’d like to support me to continue this work consider donating to me on Venmo!
Conclusion
Whether you decided to work with him or not is completely up to you, but he seems to be open to anyone who wants to connect (or reconnect) with him. Honoring him or at least speaking his name or sharing his story is honestly all he wants. To be remembered in this lifetime is probably going to be his greatest joy since he’s been forgotten for so long.
Also yes, I like to draw the gods handsome and sexy because 1. they appear to me that way and 2. it’s more fun to worship a god when they’re hot af okayyyyy. I mean, look at all the art of the Greek and Roman gods! But in all seriousness, working with deities in general is a relationship that should be taken with care and respect, but it’s still okay to have fun with them. They are powerful and should be respected and never mocked. In my experience, they will put you in situations that may seem chaotic at first but ultimately will help you on whatever journey you allow them to help you with. “Let go and let god” as they say.
For me, when I draw the deities, it isn’t just art anymore. I consider it my purpose and my devotion to “revive” the deities who have been forgotten. My art is an offering to them, and also an offering to you to help you reconnect with the gods and goddesses if you choose to. But also you don’t NEED to be in a relationship with the deities to have my art; you can just use it as art to put on your wall, desk, etc. no pressure lol.
Thank you for reading this far and supporting me and my art.
The “Apolaki, God of the Sun and War” prints are now available in my online shop.